Well, I’m back.  It’s been a while.  And I have to report that I’ve gained weight, and I’m at my highest EVER.

The big news:  I made a decision back in February to have Gastric Sleeve surgery -it’s scheduled for August.  Why surgery?  Well, my knees have gotten so bad that I’m in pain all the damn time – I feel like I’m killing my liver with Ibuprofen.  And I’m genuinely afraid of being unable to walk in the future.   My hope is still to weigh around 225, I just have more to lose to get there now.  But I’m hopeful that I’m making the right decision for me.

In the months before the surgery, I’m working to change how I eat to (hopefully) make things easier for me post-surgery.  I’ve started with giving up sweets and diet soda.  And I’m not sure which one is harder for me!  It’s been less than a week for the sweets, and my cravings have been CRAZY, and my period isn’t helping (c’mon menopause, just end it already!!!).  I’m doing better with giving up diet soda – but I really miss the brown, bubbly water.  In mid-April the plan is to eliminate Fast Food from my diet.  That’s going to be tough.  But it’s what I gotta do to get to where I want to be!

I also need to start moving more.  I have a damn elliptical in my house which I never use.  I live just a couple blocks from my town’s rec center – and I never go there.  So I need to get back on the elliptical and also start water walking.  I don’t want to wait to start building new habits until after surgery – I want to have them firmly established by the time I check in for surgery.

My closest friends all know about the surgery – and they are all very supportive.  It’s was weird how hard it was for me to tell them.  Still haven’t told my sister – but we aren’t very close so I’ll probably just let her know a week or so before.  I see my regular Doctor and my Endocrinologist in April, so I’ll tell them then.  I told my boss when I requested the time off.  I asked him to not tell anyone else – so far he’s kept his mouth shut, but I don’t have much faith that he can keep that up.

I also need to take care of getting things in order before surgery – decisions have to be made, and things put into place just in case things go wrong.  That’s the hardest thing for me now to make those decisions.  Thank GOD my BFF is a lawyer who used to work for a lawyer who did all the estate planning stuff, so he’s leading me through what I should have in place.

Adulting Sucks!!  ;)

It’s been a rough few years…  At the end of April 2011, my dad died – and sometimes I think I’m still pulling myself back up after that.  Then the beginning of April 2013 my sweet Angus died.  I now officially HATE April!  My Mom also moved to what I call assisted living, but in reality it’s more of a nursing home.  But she’s doing really well there – although she hates April as much as I do…

I’ve also been seeing a therapist – for almost 2 years now I believe – it started out that I wanted to get approved for WLS, and it’s turned into I really want to fix my food issues.  Some progress has been made – it’s been just over 1 year since my last purge (YAY!), my binges are less frequent and less “bad” as well.  I’m still struggling with mindless eating and overeating – but I’m working on it!  I see her one day a week and as much as I hate it sometimes (like last week), in the end I do feel better after seeing her.

I think my weight has stayed pretty much where it was the last time I wrote – in other words more than I want to be carrying around daily.  And I can honestly say that it is effecting my quality of life – which is why I’m still pondering WLS.  But the shrink has to give the okay for that to happen.  So it’s something I try to not obsess over.

I still see the Evil Trainer – though not as often as I should – and he’s still hopeful that I can lose the weight and keep it off!  Bless his twisted little heart.  My big hang-up is knee pain – it has started to affect every aspect of my life.  So I’m doing a once weekly (for now) water aerobics class to see if that helps, and next week I’m seeing a PT to see if she can help as well.  If I had less pain, I think I’d be more active.

I’m working at a different job than I was last time I blogged – it’s not a dream job by any means, but I’ve decided it would be good for me to hang in rather than cut and run.  It gives me the freedom to see the shrink, not to mention it’s not too far from her office – so I’m staying for now.

After Angus died, it was just too lonely going home to an empty house – so I found a new boy to love.  He’s a (now) 9-year old, 180-lb, English Mastiff named Dutch.  And he’s just the biggest, sweetest goober!  He came from a giant breed rescue – Big Dogs Hugs Paws – and I couldn’t love him more.  He’s been with me almost a year now.

So that’s me today…