It’s been a pretty crappy year since I last blogged…  My Dad died suddenly last April, my Mom has Alzheimers, work has been hell (tho, thankfully I have been working – no unemployment at all), I still feel like ass, and yeah, that pretty much sums things up.

I don’t know where I was at weight-wise this time last year, but I think I’m pretty much at the same place – haven’t had to buy any bigger clothes at least.  I’m trying to get back on track with the Evil Trainer, and Pilates, and Cardio – if for no other reason than the hope it will help me feel better.  Next Monday I start doing water workouts from 6-7am twice a week for 3 months at the Rec Center – the hours suck, but what are you gonna do.  I’m shooting for seeing the Evil Trainer on Tues & Thurs, and then Pilates on Saturday.  Friday & Sunday I get to rest.

Oh yeah, and I turn 50 in 10 days, and I just got my first membership offer from AARP in the mail yesterday.  BLARGH!!!!

Well aren’t I just a little ray of sunshine?  :)

For the next 2 months, my goals with the Trainer are modest – and they mostly involve me just moving more, and staying away from the pizza binges & junk food.  No weight loss goals at all.  We are easing me back into things.  Starting completely over – rather than dwelling on the past.  And I think that is a very good way to get me going again.  I guess he does sometimes know what he’s talking about…  Though I can never admit that to him  ;)

I’m also looking into therapy – seriously.  I thought I had found a place, but they only do Intensive Outpatient Therapy – and that translates to 4 hours a day, 5 days a week.  But they had a recommendation for another place, and that as it turns out is right across the street from where I work (well, until my office moves in 2 weeks – but it will still be close enough for a lunch session if needed).

I have some travel plans in the Spring, and I’m pondering a week at Lake Austin Resort & Spa in the Fall – a little health & relaxation trip just for me.  It’s kind of pricey, but I’m thinking it will be my 50th birthday present to myself.  I saw it on the first 5 episodes of Heavy on A&E and it just looks LOVELY!

Let’s just say that 50,000 units of Vitamin D a day has some unpleasant side effects.  And it’s only been ONE WEEK!  *sigh*

I was chatting with one of the other trainers at the gym and told him about my Vitamin D related “issues” – and he told me about a Chiropractor/Kinesiologist he sees and suggested I try him.  So I’m pondering it.  Not planning on ignoring what my doctor is telling me, I’m thinking of the other doctor being more of an augment to my health plans.

I’m also in the midst of my third day of anxiety attacks about my upcoming unemployment – so there have been A LOT of sweets consumed, which also makes me feel like SHITE.  I’ve got a line on a couple different jobs, but who knows if they will come to anything.

I told the Evil Trainer when I saw him today that if I’m still unemployed at the end of March, I’m going to have to stop seeing him until I get a job.  I’ll talk with HP tomorrow about Pilates – I’m paid up for I think 5-6 more sessions, so if I don’t have a job by the time I have used those up, no more Pilates either.  But I’m hoping it won’t come to that!

Realistically Thursday is my last day working.  I need to talk to the partner at the company I’m subcontracting to about how to handle support after that – but right now she’s dealing with a husband in the hospital because of his Crohns, and a daughter who’s also dealing with serious problems because of Crohns, so I just don’t feel right bringing her MY drama.  Honestly I don’t know how she handles everything life has thrown at her the past 4-5 months.  I’m just thankful I have my health!  You can always find work, but good health is a whole lot harder to regain

Still struggling BIG TIME with getting my eating under control – I just give up most days.  No  – I have not been spending days in the arms of Pizza or Fast Food, but I haven’t been eating healthy in spite of my vow to do so.

I think part of the problem is the clutter in my house – EVERYWHERE!  It currently just feels overwhelming so I just watch TV or knit and try to ignore it – which means I don’t want to cook because then I’d have MORE to clean.  I’m not at risk for being on Hoarders yet – but it’s far worse than I ever let it get.  It helps keep my stress level high…  But it looks like I’ll have some time in March to put things in order – I’ll have to do SOMETHING to pass the days – hopefully something other than sitting on the couch….

Okay – off to soak in the tub and try to relax in the hopes I can sleep tonight…

In the mail today was the complete results of my blood work…

In 2003:

Weight:            310.6 (I had lost about 50lbs at this point)
Cholesterol:        188
HDL Cholesterol:    48
LDL Cholesterol:    122
Triglycerides:        91

In 2004:

Weight:            253.2 (lowest weight in years)
Cholesterol:        144        (-44 from 2003)
HDL Cholesterol:    49        (+1 from 2003)
LDL Cholesterol:    78        (-44 from 2003)
Triglycerides:        85        (-6 from 2003)

In 2006:

Weight:            342.2
Cholesterol:        208        (+64 from 2004)
HDL Cholesterol:    49        (no change from 2004)
LDL Cholesterol:    139        (+61 from 2004)
Triglycerides:        106        ( +21 from 2004)

In 2010:

Weight:            350
Cholesterol:        233        (+27 from 2006)
HDL Cholesterol:    46        (-3 from 2006)
LDL Cholesterol:    149        (+10 from 2006)
Triglycerides:        141        ( +35 from 2006)

Just watch the Cholesterol/LDL climb….  Possibly not related to my weight, but most definitely related to the crap I eat, which in turn is related to my weight.

Motivation found…

Perhaps I should consider some sanitized tapeworms to aid in my weight loss (this is an actual old ad!):

In light of the results for my blood work, and the fact that I’m facing MORE bloodwork (blech), I have a plan for the next couple months that will hopefully help me show an improvement specifically in my cholesterol/LDL & Vitamin D levels (not much I can do about my thyroid).

  1. NO Fast Food or Pizza!
  2. Exercise
    1. Cardio 2x a week
    2. Evil Trainer 2x week
    3. Pilates 1x week
  3. 50,000 units Vitamin D daily
  4. 5 servings fruit & veggies daily
  5. Log my food – it just helps me stay aware of what I eat

Did my cardio yesterday (YAY ME!) and saw the Evil Trainer this morning.  I’ll do cardio again tomorrow, then Evil Trainer Friday, and Pilates on Saturday.  And Sunday?  I’m going to nap!!!

Unfortunately I slipped all to easily back into the fast food/pizza habit and it’s going to be killer to have to break that (again).  And pizza/fast food also means I’m not eating my fruits & veggies – it’s just one damn big vicious cycle!

Just got off the phone with the doctor’s office about my bloodwork.  Some surprising and not surprising news.

Not Surprising:  Cholesterol & LDL levels are too high.  Not a shock because of the way I had been eating.  And since it’s never been and issue, I know if I stop with the fast food & pizza, they will come back to normal.

Surprising:  Thyroid levels indicate that my thyroid is not producing high enough levels of whatever it produces.  She wants to do another test before she prescibes meds.

Also Surprising:  Vitamin D levels are too low and I need to take 50,000 units of Vitamin D daily for 8 weeks then get retested.

So I have a followup appointment with her on 3/18 to chat and be retested then I see her again for my actual physical and lady parts exam on 4/5.  I forsee two more encounters with the vampire in my very near future….  *sigh*

Usually I’m a BIG fan of cold and snow – but I’m so ready for spring… Thankfully the days are getting longer and it’s no longer dark at 4 in the afternoon!  But I’m ready for green and gardening and rain.

I think a lot of my longing for spring is because of the bad winter funk I’ve been dealing with.  But I have to admit I *think* the antidepressant has started to help.  I don’t feel like I’m full of rainbows and puppies, but I’m definitely feeling less dark.  But the cold just makes me want to stay curled up under a blanket in front of the fire.

So with it snowing here in Denver, and me only working a half day at home, guess where I didn’t go?  That’s right!  The gym… for cardio.  But I’m bringing my workout gear with me tomorrow and I’m stopping at the gym on the way home – PINKY SWEAR!

Looks like I may have an interview for a job this week.  And hopefully another one I was submitted for as well.  I’ve learned to not get my hopes up, so I guess I’ll see if either pans out…  I’m not a pessimist, I just firmly believe if I get all hopeful and confident, I’ll jinx things.  :)

And I’m still trying to figure out how to get my focus & motivation back.  I’ve been “trying” to lose weight since August of 2009, and I’ve lost just under 15 pounds and 21″ – and while the inch loss is wonderful, the pounds lost is pathetic!  I know I can do better if I can just somehow motivate myself.  I’m hoping that doing the cardio and seeing progress with it (i.e., endurance) will help.

I need to get it back.  I spent this afternoon in the arms of Pizza Hut – and I don’t even LIKE Pizza Hut, I was just craving it…

I’m sure part of it was due to work stress – the maintenance I had to work on did not go at ALL smoothly partly because I didn’t do enough research on some of the software upgrades.  And I’m VERY hard on myself when I drop the ball on something for work…

I didn’t make it to the gym for my cardio, but I’m going tomorrow morning.