Well, I’m back.  It’s been a while.  And I have to report that I’ve gained weight, and I’m at my highest EVER.

The big news:  I made a decision back in February to have Gastric Sleeve surgery -it’s scheduled for August.  Why surgery?  Well, my knees have gotten so bad that I’m in pain all the damn time – I feel like I’m killing my liver with Ibuprofen.  And I’m genuinely afraid of being unable to walk in the future.   My hope is still to weigh around 225, I just have more to lose to get there now.  But I’m hopeful that I’m making the right decision for me.

In the months before the surgery, I’m working to change how I eat to (hopefully) make things easier for me post-surgery.  I’ve started with giving up sweets and diet soda.  And I’m not sure which one is harder for me!  It’s been less than a week for the sweets, and my cravings have been CRAZY, and my period isn’t helping (c’mon menopause, just end it already!!!).  I’m doing better with giving up diet soda – but I really miss the brown, bubbly water.  In mid-April the plan is to eliminate Fast Food from my diet.  That’s going to be tough.  But it’s what I gotta do to get to where I want to be!

I also need to start moving more.  I have a damn elliptical in my house which I never use.  I live just a couple blocks from my town’s rec center – and I never go there.  So I need to get back on the elliptical and also start water walking.  I don’t want to wait to start building new habits until after surgery – I want to have them firmly established by the time I check in for surgery.

My closest friends all know about the surgery – and they are all very supportive.  It’s was weird how hard it was for me to tell them.  Still haven’t told my sister – but we aren’t very close so I’ll probably just let her know a week or so before.  I see my regular Doctor and my Endocrinologist in April, so I’ll tell them then.  I told my boss when I requested the time off.  I asked him to not tell anyone else – so far he’s kept his mouth shut, but I don’t have much faith that he can keep that up.

I also need to take care of getting things in order before surgery – decisions have to be made, and things put into place just in case things go wrong.  That’s the hardest thing for me now to make those decisions.  Thank GOD my BFF is a lawyer who used to work for a lawyer who did all the estate planning stuff, so he’s leading me through what I should have in place.

Adulting Sucks!!  ;)

In the mail today was the complete results of my blood work…

In 2003:

Weight:            310.6 (I had lost about 50lbs at this point)
Cholesterol:        188
HDL Cholesterol:    48
LDL Cholesterol:    122
Triglycerides:        91

In 2004:

Weight:            253.2 (lowest weight in years)
Cholesterol:        144        (-44 from 2003)
HDL Cholesterol:    49        (+1 from 2003)
LDL Cholesterol:    78        (-44 from 2003)
Triglycerides:        85        (-6 from 2003)

In 2006:

Weight:            342.2
Cholesterol:        208        (+64 from 2004)
HDL Cholesterol:    49        (no change from 2004)
LDL Cholesterol:    139        (+61 from 2004)
Triglycerides:        106        ( +21 from 2004)

In 2010:

Weight:            350
Cholesterol:        233        (+27 from 2006)
HDL Cholesterol:    46        (-3 from 2006)
LDL Cholesterol:    149        (+10 from 2006)
Triglycerides:        141        ( +35 from 2006)

Just watch the Cholesterol/LDL climb….  Possibly not related to my weight, but most definitely related to the crap I eat, which in turn is related to my weight.

Motivation found…

Perhaps I should consider some sanitized tapeworms to aid in my weight loss (this is an actual old ad!):

Usually I’m a BIG fan of cold and snow – but I’m so ready for spring… Thankfully the days are getting longer and it’s no longer dark at 4 in the afternoon!  But I’m ready for green and gardening and rain.

I think a lot of my longing for spring is because of the bad winter funk I’ve been dealing with.  But I have to admit I *think* the antidepressant has started to help.  I don’t feel like I’m full of rainbows and puppies, but I’m definitely feeling less dark.  But the cold just makes me want to stay curled up under a blanket in front of the fire.

So with it snowing here in Denver, and me only working a half day at home, guess where I didn’t go?  That’s right!  The gym… for cardio.  But I’m bringing my workout gear with me tomorrow and I’m stopping at the gym on the way home – PINKY SWEAR!

Looks like I may have an interview for a job this week.  And hopefully another one I was submitted for as well.  I’ve learned to not get my hopes up, so I guess I’ll see if either pans out…  I’m not a pessimist, I just firmly believe if I get all hopeful and confident, I’ll jinx things.  :)

And I’m still trying to figure out how to get my focus & motivation back.  I’ve been “trying” to lose weight since August of 2009, and I’ve lost just under 15 pounds and 21″ – and while the inch loss is wonderful, the pounds lost is pathetic!  I know I can do better if I can just somehow motivate myself.  I’m hoping that doing the cardio and seeing progress with it (i.e., endurance) will help.

I need to get it back.  I spent this afternoon in the arms of Pizza Hut – and I don’t even LIKE Pizza Hut, I was just craving it…

I’m sure part of it was due to work stress – the maintenance I had to work on did not go at ALL smoothly partly because I didn’t do enough research on some of the software upgrades.  And I’m VERY hard on myself when I drop the ball on something for work…

I didn’t make it to the gym for my cardio, but I’m going tomorrow morning.