In light of the results for my blood work, and the fact that I’m facing MORE bloodwork (blech), I have a plan for the next couple months that will hopefully help me show an improvement specifically in my cholesterol/LDL & Vitamin D levels (not much I can do about my thyroid).

  1. NO Fast Food or Pizza!
  2. Exercise
    1. Cardio 2x a week
    2. Evil Trainer 2x week
    3. Pilates 1x week
  3. 50,000 units Vitamin D daily
  4. 5 servings fruit & veggies daily
  5. Log my food – it just helps me stay aware of what I eat

Did my cardio yesterday (YAY ME!) and saw the Evil Trainer this morning.  I’ll do cardio again tomorrow, then Evil Trainer Friday, and Pilates on Saturday.  And Sunday?  I’m going to nap!!!

Unfortunately I slipped all to easily back into the fast food/pizza habit and it’s going to be killer to have to break that (again).  And pizza/fast food also means I’m not eating my fruits & veggies – it’s just one damn big vicious cycle!

Just got off the phone with the doctor’s office about my bloodwork.  Some surprising and not surprising news.

Not Surprising:  Cholesterol & LDL levels are too high.  Not a shock because of the way I had been eating.  And since it’s never been and issue, I know if I stop with the fast food & pizza, they will come back to normal.

Surprising:  Thyroid levels indicate that my thyroid is not producing high enough levels of whatever it produces.  She wants to do another test before she prescibes meds.

Also Surprising:  Vitamin D levels are too low and I need to take 50,000 units of Vitamin D daily for 8 weeks then get retested.

So I have a followup appointment with her on 3/18 to chat and be retested then I see her again for my actual physical and lady parts exam on 4/5.  I forsee two more encounters with the vampire in my very near future….  *sigh*

Was AWESOME!  She talked to me like I was more than a number on the scale, and didn’t write off anything I was concerned about with a “well, exercise and lose the weight and you’ll be fine”….  I honestly didn’t think such a doctor existed because in almost 29 39 49 years I have NEVER encountered one.  I’m still in a state of shock!

I didn’t get a physical today – she talked to me about how I was feeling, what I was concerned about, things like that.  And since I have been more than a little concerned about my anxiety & “funk” – and after some discussion – I decided  to give anti-depressants a try – Lexapro specifically.  I don’t like the thought of taking them, but I don’t like how I’ve been feeling even more.

I go back for my physical and lady parts check on April 5.  Hopefully I’ll like her just as much after that.

Oh – and she had a good “vampire” – didn’t even leave a bruise where she took the blood, and that’s a rarity with me.

I’m hoping this will be the light at the end of the tunnel instead of an oncoming train.  :)

Feeling only slightly less “dark” than yesterday, and I almost broke into tears when I was working with the Evil Trainer today (for NO reason), and I purged last night (dammit!)…

BUT I’ve made an appointment with a doctor.  Haven’t been happy with my old doctor so I picked a new one which a friend recommended – and it turns out she’s been one of the top rated Denver docs… So maybe she will actually do more than just tell me that losing weight will fix everything.

I also made an appointment for a mammogram, and a dental appointment as well.  And if I can figure out if my insurance will pay for a dermatologist visit for a mole check, I’ll be making that appointment as well.  I’m paying what seems like an obscene amount for insurance, so I’m going to use every single benefit I can!

The Evil Trainer is worried about me – he hugged me when we were done today – and hugging is something he and I don’t do.  We cuss each other, call each other names, flip the bird, etc, but never hug…so I almost cried from that….damn him…

I have Pilates tomorrow morning and again on Saturday morning, and i’ve seen the Evil Trainer twice this week already (he’s going hunting AGAIN).  So I’m trying to force myself to keep these appointments rather than just sit home alone watching TV.

I applied for yet another job today – and I’ve got a call to return tomorrow from a recruiter.  Butbased on past experiences with these kinds of calls, I’m not putting any hope into it.  It seems they usually are just collecting names & resumes.

I also am trying to think ‘out of the box’ with a job – I explored the openings at the hospitals in my area (I live in a hospital-rich area) – but although I did find a couple tech jobs I could do, they aren’t jobs I’d want to do… So I’ll just keep looking and trying to identify companies I’d like to work for… Nothing much more I can do other than keep trying…

I guess that’s enough mindless rambling….

Things just are not right with me lately.  It’s not a weight thing, it’s something else, something more.  And as much as I HATE it, I think it’s time for a trip to the doctor.

I just feel like crap all the time – no matter how well or poorly I eat, and I’m tired all the time.  It just kind of feels like I’m sleepwalking through my life right now.  I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything, but I do force myself to.  But even when it seems like I’m enjoying myself, it just feels so fake and forced, and all I want to do is go home and be alone.

I know I’m horribly stressed over not having a job lined up when the current contracting gig ends.  Throw in a little perimenopause, and voila!  You have a complete basket case named Moi…

*sigh*

Sorry to be such a downer, but I don’t have any sunshine and happiness to dish up.

I’ll call the doctor tomorrow…