No, not “that” groove…  My weight loss groove.

I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself because I’m not losing the weight.  I’m tired of the excuses, and feeling like a failure.  So enough bitching and moaning.  Time to focus on being positive and on making good changes in my life – Holidays or not, Funk or not.

So the $64,000.00 (or should that be the 140lb) question is – HOW?

hmmmm… wellll… ummmm…

Well, part of the problem is my complete lack of desire to get off the couch, let alone leave the house and hit the gym (sadly I’ve worked from home for the past 3 weeks because of this).

I know this “funk” sounds more like depression, and although I’m sure it is depression, I’m going to continue calling it the funk, and try to work through it without meds.

So the first order of business is to get my ass off the couch and away from the TV AND the Internet.  That means going into the office instead of working at home, and it means NO MORE cancelling sessions with the Evil Trainer!

For the rest of December, those are my only goals –

  • Go into the office
  • Don’t cancel sessions with the Evil Trainer
  • Do 20 minutes of cardio before each session with ET

I can safely say there is not a chance in hell that I will reach my original goal of 299 by my birthday in March, so I’m letting that now very unrealistic goal go.  I will now be happy if I weigh in the 320’s on my birthday.  I’ll worry about the rest of the weight after that.  I’m guessing I’m still at about 355 now – I’ll weigh in Friday and get my measurements done as well.

And now for my current “issue” – please read this and join me in vowing to boycott the purchase of Ralph Lauren products.

HuffPo article on the issue:  Ralph Lauren Boycott:  Retaking Beauty

Facebook Page for boycott:  ATB Action Network Boycott of Ralph Lauren

In addition to my annual Holiday funk, I’m also stressed because the contract I’m working on is winding up, and I don’t have another job lined up.  I’m looking, and I’ve applied for some things, but still the stress…  It doesn’t help that I’m not terribly busy on the contract I’m working on now – I’m bored and boredom is not pretty on me.  It usually means spending WAY too much money.  Thankfully I’ve resisted that urge for the most part (Okay, there was an “incident” Saturday at a Yarn shop – but the bag was 25% off! ;)

Merry Christmas to me!!

I’m also glad I didn’t order the furniture I had planned on ordering – so I can squirrel away some money to keep me going until march or so if need be.  And Praise Jebus I have ZERO credit card debt!!  Just mortgage & car payment (and the monthly bills that go with living).  So I guess I could be in way worse shape.

Haven’t done well on the eating AT ALL the past week or so – there were 2 binges (thankfully no purges), but today was a better day.  Haven’t worked out at all for over a week, haven’t done much of anything at all.  Of course it’s been bitterly cold here for the past 4 or 5 days so that just makes me want to curl up under a blanket and watch movies.

And at this time of the year the movies are all the happily-ever-after movies (okay, I admit I do watch the stupid damn Lifetime movies), which adds to the holiday funk.  But they are like crack to me – no matter how shitty they are, and they are almost always shitty.

So I’m just going to hang in there and try to do better or at the very least, try not to do worse.  And thanks all for the lovely encouraging comments – they are much appreciated!

I’d like to say I got back up on the wagon, but that would be a ginormous LIE.  :)  I don’t even want to discuss the details, but suffice it to say the past few days have NOT been pretty at all.  Although to my credit, there was NO pizza, NO fast food, and NO diet soda… So I got that going for me…

I have been debating all week whether or not to weigh in Friday, and I’ve finally decided it’s better to know how much damage I’ve caused myself…  *sigh*  However, tomorrow isn’t the measurement day with the Evil Trainer – that is actually the FIRST Friday of the month, so mine will be a week from tomorrow…that’s also the day I had the goal of reaching 350…  Wish me luck!

I’m also a bit annoyed, and I’ve decided to get it off my chest rather than stew about it, so here goes.

Someone made some comments about my last posting – you can’t read them because I haven’t approved them.  And I haven’t approved them because they PISS ME OFF!!!

Basically this person lectured me on the choices I made for my party and the subsequent snacking….lectured me like my mother used to.  And OF COURSE this person has the answer for all my dieting woes… Apparently I have to give up all milk, eggs, meat, and replace it all with tofu and roasted veggies…  Frankly I’d rather be fat.  And I’m sorry, but anyone who thinks vegan=thin is delusional – I know fat vegans…

You know I’m sure this person meant well, but I don’t know how ANYONE who has truly battled any kind of weight problem could ever think that that kind of sanctimonious bullshit helps!  IT DOESN’T!  What it does do is piss people off, and if you are an emotional eater (Hi, I’m Pam, I’m an emotional eater) it makes you EAT, or at the very least it makes you want to eat.

Frankly don’t know if I will ever approve this person’s comments… They certainly weren’t helpful to me, and I wouldn’t want to spread that kind of crap to the people who are on the same journey, fighting the same demons…

Sorry this post is so negative…  I’ll be better tomorrow… I see the Evil Trainer for 1.5 hours, so I”ll be too tired to be bitchy  ;)

Worked from home today which means I was around the leftovers from the party which means I’ve been stuffing my face all damn day.  And good lord do I feel bloated and gross from it…

Clearly I can’t have sweets in the house or I’ll spend the day grazing.  I wouldn’t say I binged, but I sure as hell ate more than I needed and all of it was crap.

Never going to make my November 1 goal of 350 like this!  So it stops NOW.  I’m going to throw out the candy and the chips and the cheese.  I can’t have it in the house.

Tomorrow I’ll pack my breakfast and lunch and will just get myself back on track… It’s all I can do – can’t change what I’ve done today….

I see the Evil Trainer tomorrow, and I’ll do 30 minutes of cardio too.  I *should* go to the gym tonight – but I honestly think I’d throw up at this point if I exercise – that’s how full I feel.  Hard to imagine that I used to feel like this ALL THE TIME…

I’m going to add one more goal for this week:

  • No Sweets or Junk Food

Here’s to a successful Tuesday!

Did NOT see the hoped for 2 lb. weight loss on the scale this morning… Instead I saw a .6 lb. gain…  FAIL!  :(

Just shows me how important the cardio is.

So I’m at a 4.2 lb. loss for the Biggest Loser Challenge – which is on track for my goal of losing 2 pounds per week…


So not ready to go back to work tomorrow…  :(

Well – I didn’t get all of the things done I wanted to do – BUT I did finally finish painting the wall around the back door.  It’s the only damn wall in the house I need a ladder to do – and of course I need the TALL ladder.  So it took longer than it should have because

  1. I HATE ladders
  2. I REALLY hate being on a tall ladder on a small landing at the top of the stairs