In addition to my annual Holiday funk, I’m also stressed because the contract I’m working on is winding up, and I don’t have another job lined up.  I’m looking, and I’ve applied for some things, but still the stress…  It doesn’t help that I’m not terribly busy on the contract I’m working on now – I’m bored and boredom is not pretty on me.  It usually means spending WAY too much money.  Thankfully I’ve resisted that urge for the most part (Okay, there was an “incident” Saturday at a Yarn shop – but the bag was 25% off! ;)

Merry Christmas to me!!

I’m also glad I didn’t order the furniture I had planned on ordering – so I can squirrel away some money to keep me going until march or so if need be.  And Praise Jebus I have ZERO credit card debt!!  Just mortgage & car payment (and the monthly bills that go with living).  So I guess I could be in way worse shape.

Haven’t done well on the eating AT ALL the past week or so – there were 2 binges (thankfully no purges), but today was a better day.  Haven’t worked out at all for over a week, haven’t done much of anything at all.  Of course it’s been bitterly cold here for the past 4 or 5 days so that just makes me want to curl up under a blanket and watch movies.

And at this time of the year the movies are all the happily-ever-after movies (okay, I admit I do watch the stupid damn Lifetime movies), which adds to the holiday funk.  But they are like crack to me – no matter how shitty they are, and they are almost always shitty.

So I’m just going to hang in there and try to do better or at the very least, try not to do worse.  And thanks all for the lovely encouraging comments – they are much appreciated!

I do not want the funk, nor do I gotta have the funk….

But the funk is what I have nonetheless…  *sigh*

There’s the typical “I’m going to die alone and won’t be found for months” thoughts… The low level constant anxiety about nothing I can really put my finger on, but it ties my stomach up in knots anyway.  And of course the urge to binge.  Having a hard time fighting that one, and I came VERY close to giving in yesterday and wallowing around in god knows what food… What food I have eaten yesterday and today has been utter CRAP.

God I hate the holidays….

I know I’ll snap out of it, I always do – it just feels really dark right now…

I’m also tired of thinking about my weight, and losing my weight, and exercise, and “good” food.  It’s so exhausting to always be focused on it, and it doesn’t feel healthy or sane.  I think I need to put my energy and focus on something else.  I don’t intend to abandon the weight-loss journey, but something needs to change… don’t know what though…

Stuck with my plan of spending this weekend painting – and I’m tired and sore from it.  BUT the colors look fabulous so it’s all worth it.

I also managed to injure myself in a completely unexpected manner – I reached into my freezer to unjam some ice built up at the back of the ice maker – and found that there was a piece of SEARING HOT METAL that has blistered the crap out of two fingers.  GODDAMN IT HURTS!  So now I’m thinking that fridge is going to get replaced sooner than planned…stupid damn thing…

I survived the long weekend so far VERY well.  Had a bit too much pumpkin pie on Thursday, but still managed to keep it in my calorie range – YAY!  And I did well yesterday and today because I was busy painting and not just sitting around snacking.

Since the Evil Trainer is out of town this coming Friday, we are moving my weigh/measure day to Tuesday.  I didn’t weigh myself Friday, so I’m not sure where I’m at goal-wise, but I guess I find out soon enough!

Also had a successful Buy Nothing Day on Friday – well, almost successful…  I did watch TV (Fox Movie Channel), but other than that, there was no shopping, no internet, no phone use, no use of my car from dawn till dusk.  I didn’t watch much TV, it was on for my “noise” and I watched bits of movies while I was on paint breaks.  So I’m calling it successful  :P

I’ve decided to make my first ever buttermilk biscuits for Turkey Day dinner, so I’m on the hunt for a recipe. Lots of them seem to involve self-rising flour – and I’ve found self-rising flour doesn’t work right when you are baking a mile above sea-level…

I’m making the dinner (as usual) for myself and my parents.  Since their kitchen SUCKS to cook in, I’m thankful I don’t have to figure out how to cook for a crowd in it…

The menu:

  • Herb Roasted Turkey Breast (yeah, just the breast)
  • Dressing with Fennel, Pine Nuts, & Italian Sausage
  • Mashed Potatoes and Gravy
  • Green Beans with Hazelnuts
  • Buttermilk Biscuits
  • Store bought Pumpkin Pie

I usually make a homemade pumpkin pie, but I haven’t cooked and canned my two pie pumpkins yet and I refuse to use the store bought crap canned pumpkin.  Yeah, I know, I’ll buy a crap store-bought pie but not the crap canned pumpkin…. It’s just how my crazy rolls…

I’ve got everything I need except for the buttermilk… So I should just need to make a quick trip to the store Wednesday morning.

What I’m REALLY looking forward to is Friday/Saturday/Sunday…  I get to paint my Living/Dining room and put up my beautiful new wall sconces… It’s not the actual painting that I’m looking forward to – it’s the fact that that will get rid of a BIG chunk of the dingey yellow that I hate…and the ugly ass wall sconces as well…  I only hope the walls look as good in the new colors as I’m hoping they will – I’m still loving the samples I have painted, so that’s a good sign.

All in all, this holiday weekend is going to be all about banging out some items from my 101 in 1001 list… Oh, and I’ll try and work in some walks or cardio too I guess… And I suppose I’ll also try to not gorge myself on food… After all, my weekly weigh-in is Friday morning…  ;)

In case I don’t blog again before the holiday – Happy Turkey Day all!

It was a good weekend – even with the foot of snow I had to shovel today  :)  The snow kept me from having to drive into the office to do some systems work I had scheduled, and I was able to do it all from home in my robe – which is ALWAYS a good thing!

Did pretty good on the food this weekend – although I did wait WAY too long to eat yesterday, and then overate when I did eat.  Came out okay on calories, but I was really uncomfortably full for several hours – a feeling I did not enjoy.  Today I’ve done much better I’m pleased to report.  And I have to say that being “just full” feels a billion times better than feeling like I’ve been stuffed to the gills.  Not a fan of feeling hungry, but “just full” is nice.

Something odd to report as well – had the TV on (as always – it’s my noise in the house) and a Pizza commercial came on – and it didn’t even look good to me!  Didn’t make me want pizza at all.  It was an odd thing to realize – because seeing some sort of food is generally a guarantee that I will then crave that food.

All in all it was an amazingly good week for me!  And I’m hoping the upcoming week is just as good!  Have to take the good weeks and make the most of them while they last…

Next weekend I have to pick up the paint and supplies to need to get the living/dining room painted over the long Turkey Day weekend.  As part of Adbusters Buy Nothing Day on 11/27, I’m vowing from dusk till dawn no shopping, no TV, no radio, no use of my car, and no computer use – no TV is going to be a killer for me.  BUT I’ll be spending the daylight hours painting upstairs where there is no TV – as long as I stay away from the TV downstairs I’ll be fine.  And no FB for a day is nothing but good.

So my plan for this week is:

  1. Evil Trainer 2x
  2. Pilates 1x
  3. Continue to kick ass

I saw the Evil Trainer twice, I was REALLY good on my eating, I actually managed to stop eating when I full, and NOT eat when I wasn’t hungry, my knee felt good pretty much all week, AND I lost 2.6 pounds!

And I managed to do all this while dealing with parental-induced stress (which I didn’t eat to deal with).

WOO-HOO!

Here’s hoping I can keep the momentum going.  :)

No Pilates for me tomorrow – got some car stuff to take car of.  So I’m planning on trying to get in a walk – providing we aren’t getting dumped on with the snowstorm.  Also have MORE stuff to take to Goodwill – it never seems to end!

Sunday I have to actually go IN to the office to work – blech.  Unfortunately for me it’s work I can’t really do remotely.  But hopefully it will go smooth and I’ll be done in 3-4 hours.  Then once I’m done and home, I’ll be doing the blizzard dance (no, one isn’t forecast, but Denver weather forecasters can’t predict dark at night).

Something rather odd for me…  I’ve noticed that in the past week I’ve been able to STOP eating when I’m full…

Not perhaps a major thing for most people, but quite a big thing for me!  A GOOD big thing.  :D

Tonight for instance, I ordered Chinese – yeah, I know not a good choice, but I was craving mu shu chicken – I ordered steamed dumplings & crab/cheese wonton as well and ate those first and then I was full.  AND I stopped eating!  I’ll have mu shu tomorrow I guess  ;)