Weight Loss


First of all – 112 days to WLS.  Time is going fast!!

But the big news has nothing to do with the surgery.  After years of trying to figure out who she is, I have finally found my birth mother (yeah, I’m adopted).

A few years back, I found out who my birth father was, and 23andme.com confirmed that I had identified the right person.  I “met” some cousins on that side of the tree who were so very kind and sent me all kinds of pics of him (I definitely look like him).  But my birth mother remained elusive.  She had used one last name at the home where I was born (Graves), and another on my birth certificate (Graham).  Last week someone on 23andme contacted me because we were projected to be 1st cousins – and after some information comparison, I can confirm with confidence that she used her real name in the home where I was born – and not on the birth certificate as I had been assuming!

She is still alive and living in Utah.  I’m not sure I want to contact her however.  For now, just knowing who she is is enough to satisfy my curiosity.  I honestly had enough issues with my Mom that I know it’s not a can of worms I want to open.

The cousin from 23andme talked his mother, and she’s going to try and find some pics of my birth mom and her siblings (total of 8!  6 boys and 2 girls), so I’m looking forward to seeing those.

I do have to admit that all this news did lead to some stress eating for me, and my stomach is currently paying the price.  No use dwelling on my slip-up, just need to get back on track.

Well, I’m back.  It’s been a while.  And I have to report that I’ve gained weight, and I’m at my highest EVER.

The big news:  I made a decision back in February to have Gastric Sleeve surgery -it’s scheduled for August.  Why surgery?  Well, my knees have gotten so bad that I’m in pain all the damn time – I feel like I’m killing my liver with Ibuprofen.  And I’m genuinely afraid of being unable to walk in the future.   My hope is still to weigh around 225, I just have more to lose to get there now.  But I’m hopeful that I’m making the right decision for me.

In the months before the surgery, I’m working to change how I eat to (hopefully) make things easier for me post-surgery.  I’ve started with giving up sweets and diet soda.  And I’m not sure which one is harder for me!  It’s been less than a week for the sweets, and my cravings have been CRAZY, and my period isn’t helping (c’mon menopause, just end it already!!!).  I’m doing better with giving up diet soda – but I really miss the brown, bubbly water.  In mid-April the plan is to eliminate Fast Food from my diet.  That’s going to be tough.  But it’s what I gotta do to get to where I want to be!

I also need to start moving more.  I have a damn elliptical in my house which I never use.  I live just a couple blocks from my town’s rec center – and I never go there.  So I need to get back on the elliptical and also start water walking.  I don’t want to wait to start building new habits until after surgery – I want to have them firmly established by the time I check in for surgery.

My closest friends all know about the surgery – and they are all very supportive.  It’s was weird how hard it was for me to tell them.  Still haven’t told my sister – but we aren’t very close so I’ll probably just let her know a week or so before.  I see my regular Doctor and my Endocrinologist in April, so I’ll tell them then.  I told my boss when I requested the time off.  I asked him to not tell anyone else – so far he’s kept his mouth shut, but I don’t have much faith that he can keep that up.

I also need to take care of getting things in order before surgery – decisions have to be made, and things put into place just in case things go wrong.  That’s the hardest thing for me now to make those decisions.  Thank GOD my BFF is a lawyer who used to work for a lawyer who did all the estate planning stuff, so he’s leading me through what I should have in place.

Adulting Sucks!!  ;)

in Water Aerobics last night, and the upper body is feeling it today…  Sadly the knee is also feeling it – which is sad because I had almost a full day of little to no pain!  (It was wonderful!)  Next Wednesday is the last Water Aerobics session and I don’t think I’m going to sign up again for it.  I think for now I’ll stick with the water walking, I just need to focus on being gentle with my knees.  Besides one of the women in the class is SO ANNOYING…  And she never stops talking…  So I need to plan my pool sessions for when she’s NOT there.

Word in the pool is that the entire rec center is going to be closed the week of May 25.  If true, that throws a monkey wrench in my 30-day plan.  I guess it usually closes one week a year to take care of all the maintenance stuff that needs to be done – but it’s usually at the end of summer.  I’ll ask when I stop in for some pool time tonight or tomorrow.

As far as the no candy/no diet pop goals are concerned, I’m all good.  This is day 5, and other than that bumpy patch on day 3, the cravings aren’t so strong.  I still need to take the big man for a walk, but I’m thinking we will do that Saturday morning before meeting a friend for brunch.

In other news, as excited as I am about having a house cleaning service, at the moment I’m MORE stressed about money.  So I’m going to have to postpone using the service.  I just need to take care of some bills before I start spending my money on that.  God being an adult and responsible about my money SUCKS!!!!!!  But in the meantime I’ll continue with my unfucking.  This weekend the goal is my bedroom, and the unfucking includes dusting and vacuuming.  It’s just one room, and I know I can do it!

I want some candy and a diet pop SOOOOO BADLY!  Pop was all I could think about driving to work today – I forgot how hard it is for me to kick the habit!  And I had some spicy chili at lunch – and after spicy food I always want something sweet.  Sadly I don’t have any dried figs left at work, so I have no non-candy options – because if I walk to the cafeteria, then I will end up buying a bag of candy.  Looks like I’m just going to have to white knuckle it until the craving passes.

I saw the Physical Therapist yesterday (thankfully she didn’t weigh me!!), and she’s given me 3 exercises to do, and I am scheduled to see her again on the 29th.  I did like her and she seemed to understand my limitations because of the knees, and although she’s not sure PT will “cure” me, she thinks it can help me get to a better place where I have easier mobility.  I’ve got weak hips (how could something so large be weak???), and not enough flexibility in my ankles – so that’s causing more knee issues.

She wants me to do the water walking at least once a week – but 2 or 3 times would be better.  And I’m not allowed to do any jumping in the water aerobics class.   So we will see how that works at class tomorrow night.  She also wants me to see an Orthopedic Surgeon, and she did give me the name of one, but he doesn’t take my shitty insurance (Kaiser), so I did some hunting and found one that I think I will try out.

So my plan is to do water aerobics tomorrow night, and water walking Thursday night and I’m also going to aim for a Saturday morning water walking session.  For now I’ll do 30-minutes, I can gradually work up to more time as the knee feels better.  I did ask her if swimming would be okay – but for now, it’s out…  Of course as soon as I hear that I shouldn’t do it, it’s all I want to do.  :D

No diet soda, but I did have a four pieces of candy when I was at the salon getting my hair colored & cut yesterday.  So I re-started my 30-day clock – now it runs May 11 – June 11.  Not beating myself up over it, it is what it is, and I am just going to keep moving forward.

I’ve also been thinking about stepping on the scale – although I’m pretty sure I know about what I weigh, and I don’t know why the actual number matters.  I suspect however that the physical therapist is going to put me on a scale tomorrow when I see her.  I just wish the damn number didn’t always seem so important!

Winter made what I hope is it’s last showing here today, it’s been snowy and cold all day – so I spent the day just relaxing and binge watching Law & Order SVU, and made a pot of chili.  Other than that, I did NOTHING!  Didn’t even get out of my jammies.  It’s been GLORIOUS.   Too bad I have to go to work tomorrow.  :(

Made zero progress on the unfucking this weekend – just didn’t feel up to it.  The plan is to clean off the dining room table and take some trash out tomorrow when I get home from work, OH and to do the dishes in the sink tonight.

So that’s me today.

or two, or three, or four…

I always tend to aim WAY too high on my goals – I’ll want to accomplish 10 things and then get so friggin’ overwhelmed that NOTHING gets accomplished.  This can be related to weight loss, stuff around the house, crafts, pretty much everything – except work for some reason.

But I’m an inveterate list maker.  Lists make me both happy and stressed, but generally more happy than stressed.  Every time I decide re-start my weight loss/get healthier plan, I start with a list of things to accomplish in a month.  So a couple days ago I started my list.  And it just kept growing.  So I decide to break it into multiple months.  Still too much.  So today I decided to scrap that list altogether and (hopefully) never revisit it.

But I feel like I need goals.  So I have decided on the following four for the next 30-days (May 9 – Jun 9).

1.  NO CANDY (this will be hard!)

2.  NO Diet Soda (this will be not so hard)

3.  Walk Dutch 1x a week (have to overcome my laziness and using knee pain as an excuse)

4.  Pool exercise 1x a week (ditto)

This starts tomorrow mainly because of this:

30-day1

The candy fruit slices always seem like a better idea than they actually are.  And in my defense I did have an actual lunch before I delved into the bag of candy.

The shrink also wants me to work on actually feeling my feelings (don’t laugh – it’s hard!) rather than trying to push them off, or fight them.  Let’s just say I don’t like feeling my feelings.

In other news, I have until June 19 to get my house unfucked.  Why June 19?  Well because on June 20 I have a cleaning service scheduled to start!!!  The first clean is a deep clean, and I cannot wait!!!!  What does unfucking mean?  Well – I need to do a TON of de-cluttering basically.  So I’m trying to follow the advice from Unfuck Your Habitat – it’s awesome.  So expect updates on that progress for the next few weeks – and if I’m feeling brave, maybe some before and after pics as well.

The Endo did an A1C test on me last week because my Blood Glucose was a little high on my previous blood work (101)…  and as I feared, the news was not good.  I expected that I’d be “slightly” pre-diabetic, but with an A1C of 6.2 I’m at the high end and too damn close to diabetic.  So it’s REALLY time to make the changes I keep yammering about.

I have my yearly physical with my PCP tomorrow, so I expect the main topic of discussion to be how to stop me from developing diabetes…

blarg

But at least I know, and I can do something about it before it gets worse.

The Endo says that “weight loss through improved diet and exercise is critical to prevent the development of diabetes”…  And he has promised to nag me about it too (I told him that was fair).   I’m just still in freaked out mode – I keep thinking of my Dad’s cousin who on one of her feet lost all of her toes and part of her foot because of her diabetes (not to mention the insulin injections).  That is NOT a road I want to be anywhere NEAR!

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