A couple days ago during a doom and gloom posting, I was talking about my food addiction, and how I thought I needed to define what sobriety means to me.

Sobriety from the bulimia is easy – no purging=sobreity.  If I don’t binge, I generally don’t purge – it’s been a LOOOOONG time since I purged after a normal meal.

Sobriety from the binging is harder.  Obviously I know that it means to no binge duh!  But since anything can trigger a binge with me, it’s harder to define HOW to not binge.  It’s just such a mindless action…and for me it doesn’t mean that I’m shovelling an entire pizza (or two) in my face – I can binge on just about anything I can eat.  And I don’t care if it’s cheesecake or salad, all binges are destructive, and even if it starts as a binge on something healthy, it can easily turn into a binge on “bad” things, which can than lead to a purge.

Sobriety for an alcoholic is “easier” to achieve – since you don’t need booze to live, in theory all you have to do is just stay away from booze (I KNOW it’s not that easy, so please don’t yell at me).  But you can’t stay away from food or you will die.  Period.

So I guess the real answer is to figure out another way to deal with things which cause me to binge.  That can be stress, boredom, anger, depression, and just plain old waiting too long to eat between meals.

The two easiest to deal with:

  • Boredom:  I need to be busy with my hands – i.e., drawing or knitting.  If I’m doing something, I’m not thinking about food because I tend to get really involved with whatever I’m doing.
  • Waiting too long to eat:  EAT!  No skipping breakfast or lunch (those are the two that I tend to skip).  At least 3 meals EVERY day.  Period.

But what to do about stress/anger/depression…  Obviously I can blog, or even go old skool and break out an actual journal and a pen.  But that doesn’t always “fix” things because sometimes I don’t want to admit to what is bothering me.  But I guess that’s the point – I need to learn to admit what I’m feeling and WHY I’m feeling it.  Shoving it down with food doesn’t really fix anything…

It just feels like a path I’ve been down before.. and it didn’t take me to where I wanted to be… probably because I didn’t want to be honest about what I was feeling and why… easier to shove the feelings down… dammit.

I know exercise should be one of those options too…  “should”… I think that’s something to try and work towards – but I know it’s not a place I’m at currently.

On a postitive note, there was NO pizza or fast food today! 

Talked to the Evil Trainer, and he’s going to measure me Friday when I see him so I’ll post my start weight/measurements for the Biggest Loser Challenge sometime that evening.  I’m also going to start seeing him Tuesday evenings as well as Friday mornings.  Definitely steps in the right direction!  :)